Pain

Pain is shame, blame, hate, anger, frustration, isolation, confusion, hiding, and so much more. Pain feels stronger than healing and declares victory over all we are. Then it needs company. Feeds on company.

Others in pain get us. Others in pain understand. Others in pain say YES!. I am here with you. Right here. Inside the pain. Let’s get better together. Alone in the thing that makes us different. The thing that connects us. Let’s keep other company. Please. Please, keep me company. Help me feel better. Doesn’t that help you feel better? See? I will help you feel better. You help me feel better later. Alright? Let’s stay here. Together. Together is always better than alone. Let’s be together in this pain. No one gets my pain. No one. You come close and that will have to be enough. Just enough until it stops hurting. Until I am strong enough to move. Strong enough to believe again. Strong enough to understand why this pain is mine. Strong enough to know why me. Why me? WHY ME?

You say you get it. You say you understand. No one understands. No one can. The pain is bigger than any pain ever. Ever. Ever. Ever. Pain hurts and keeps right on hurting.

Healing is hard. Being around pain and understanding it is not yours and you can’t understand it and yet you feel it and pray for it to weaken. Want to make it go away and see it growing while you pray.

Healing is feeling, trusting, offering, hoping, listening, comforting, and crying. Crying because you do understand what you can’t understand. Crying because you feel the pain and see the pain in motion and can only offer platitudes and sincerity. Pain is shared when felt and healed when shared yet resists sharing for it is bigger than words. Pain is shared in silence louder than any cry of anguish. Pain is shared…even when we keep it all to ourselves. Pain is real and denial just makes it realer. Healing is real and believing just makes its stronger.

Healing is stronger than pain. Once we heal. Once we share. Once we let the pain out and keep it out. It will go away once it has no place to live inside. It has to. It was healed away.