Beltane

The time of Dance. May Day! Beltane is the celebration of life. Christians call to Mary and crown her with blossoms as their Queen of May. Pagans ring the Maypole with laughter and love. Seeds are planted as the hope moves into nature’s womb for many births to come. This is Beltane.

The dance is joyous while the work demands. In the work, there is satisfaction with the true proof to be seen in later days by what seeds spout and where they bloom. This is the time of mating for purpose in nature. It is the time of continuation in joy for the light is full and the promise is real.

Beltane is also of fire as things are purged and purified. Just as the celebration of life to come is real, the purification of that life is forged in the passions of Beltane. This is continuation and transformation that honors all that was and prepares for even better to come.

Ostara 24

There is joy in connection with kindred. These strings links are essential to reenergize and fuel the passion for action and life. Friendships are good and necessary since socialization is vital. Solitary is only good in small doses. Work relationships are tepid at best and all parties treat it as such…transitory interchanges with unchosen companions. Little more than travelers on the same conveyance even on the longest of trips. These are fine but Kindred are Kindred and barriers drop and communication moves to purity as trust soars.

Find this connection crossing many plains and things not just merge but balance beautifully. Compartments disappear and work is play, play is growth, growth is daily, and energy is everywhere. Grasp this chance. Grapple it to thy soul with hoops of steel.

Ostara 23

Balance requires telling distractions from opportunities. There will be mistakes. Good intentions bestowed well can still be taken and discarded. Love can have tolerance beyond what should be granted. Pleasant and intense forays into seemingly correct changes can delay. Pace can threaten balance as things shift and it takes trust to act versus remain.

Routine comforts and habits ease but close the door to opportunity. Routine is the beginning of rut. Yet change that is constant drains even the strongest and soon progress falls victim to collapse. Balance can be achieved. Listening is the key. Discard words of weakness and whining. Embrace words of concern that seek solution versus justifications.

Followers want clear directions but would delay until all is defined. Rulers use leaders who act on insight and trust rather than stubbornness or greed. Rule well. Choose your leaders wisely. Reassure followers but move faster than they want for they will celebrate at journey’s end along with all. If you rule, rule with love and Power but clearly rule. If not, follow those you trust. It will be less than smooth sometimes but, when balanced, will succeed.

Last Wednesday

How long ago was last Wednesday? When he headed to the shower for the day and died that morning. How long ago was that? The fog clears. Last Wednesday was real. Is he in the ground now? After 52 years as we? Did he die first? Is home waiting and will I be sleeping single until I have my last Wednesday? I don’t want to mad at you but, damn it, I am. No, I am not going to Alaska to be with Bob and Judy because they want me to go there and heal. No, I am not going to move back East and leave Yuma. Yuma is home now. At least, it was until you up and died on me. It was until Last Wednesday. I sat by a lake today and felt sorry for myself. Sorry for myself because you died. Sorry that I will smell you and hear you and sense you everywhere and know each time that you are gone. Sorry that it came so damn quick. Fifty-two years gone. Gone. Just like that. What was life like before you and I became something where we were more one than two? Why am I the one here and you the one there? I am glad it wasn’t me that went first. You don’t know where the hell your socks are. You don’t know which brand of tuna to buy or when to get the dog his shots. You would be lost without me. I am glad it was not me that went first. The kids are doing okay. Jim went back East. He says he is doing alright but he has a bit to go until he gets to alright. He loved you more than he said, more than he knew, and more than you ever thought. Mary is the strong one. She wants me to move in with her and to live there with them. I will stay a few weeks but I am not living with her or anybody else. I will live alone and get used to it. So I sat by a lake today and felt sorry for myself. Just sat there and tried hard not to cry but I cried. Sat there and pretended just to be looking at the water and the ducks and the day ahead. I guess I wasn’t too good at just pretending because a guy came over and asked if I was alright. A guy about the kids age. I told him about you and that you died Last Wednesday. I said I lost you. Lost you. Go figure. You left. I lost much more than you. I lost part of me. I lost my friend, my partner, my mate, my life. Lost a bunch Last Wednesday when you died early. So I told him about you and the kids and Yuma and a bunch of other things. It was nice to share. It was nice to talk. It was nice that he asked me if everything is alright. Then he left. He left, too. Just like you. Only he could come back and go again and I wouldn’t really care. I care about you. I miss you. I love you. Why did you have to go and die on me? Why did Last Wednesday come so soon?

(I went from a walk one morning about years ago. A woman sat on a bench overlooking a small lake. I waved as I walked by…she waved back. A social thing. Polite. Per-functionary. She sat. I continued around the lake. Felt her. It is an energy thing. Felt she was hurting. Something deep. Something very deep. As I continued around the lake, the feel of her drew me back. Drew me to approach the bench and ask if she was alright. She said yes but didn’t believe it anymore than I did. I stood there and waited. She finally told me that she lost her husband last Wednesday. I sat. She shared. I left. I wrote.

Just another walk. Just another talk. Just another last Wednesday.)

Ostara 22

Learn even from the mistakes. No one is flawless and each must err for it is human. Misjudge. Mistake. Omit. Commit. Moments of weakness. It all happens. Even to the strongest and the purest. Do not be overly hard on yourself but do learn and change. It is not mistakes that are the error. It is repeating the mistakes that is a grave misstep. Break the habit if the habit is wrong. Control the emotion if the emotion is destructive. Overcome the vice if in the grip of evil.

Humans are, after all, human. Help yourself and then help others who may struggle. The best defense for minimizing mistakes is balance. Balance of the earthly and the spiritual. Link the two in every day actions and mistakes are fewer. Each act links to earthly needs and spiritual purpose. As it should be.

Yesterday

Was it that long ago? There was a boy although he moved just like a man. Maybe more saw him as a boy than he knew but he was man. A big man. A big man making manly decisions. Life decisions. Big decisions. Decisions that were here and now yesterday. Some questioned the decisions. Others celebrated them. He made them. It was easier for him when they celebrated them but he made them for himself. At least he thought he did. After all, it was yesterday and today is different. Today he might make other decisions. A lot changes as yesterday becomes today and today becomes tomorrow and tomorrows become memories.

Yesterday was 1972. At least it feels like that. Just a kid. On his first plane ride. From the one state that he knew into places he only knew of…..and really didn’t know at all. Jumping into the unknown is exciting once we are confident we jumped into the right unknown. We buy in and then we do it. We jump. We jump from all we know into all we want and need and really don’t know. Sometimes it is a big jump. It was back in 1972.

That yesterday changed all my tomorrows. Yesterdays are like that. Today is a new day and I love my today. I honor and celebrate and remember my yesterdays. I love my today….and I kinda love my tomorrows…..but tomorrow is further away than yesterday and today is really all I have right now. All my yesterdays are right here….even that one way back in 1972. My tomorrow? Ask me about that tomorrow. When tomorrow is today and today is yesterday. Right now……well right now is really damn good. I didn’t see it coming yesterday……but it arrived right on time.

Ostara 21

Take time to appreciate the wonders many take for granted. Think of the many people and many things that happened to make your world as wonderful as it is. Mundane and forgotten things like mortar and brick. Who first succeeded in linking stone and mason to form walls of protection? Who first not only used fire but harnessed it for instant access for the dwellings then build with that same brick and mortar? When did they first learn to make food that was once seasonal available at any time and any whim?

There is so much around us. We look forward to things that will be and things we will have but should savor the abundance and wonder that is every day. What if there was no more? What we have would be enough and we would care for it all the more. That is peace and contentment.

Quotation Marks

“The reports of my death have been greatly exaggerated.” (Jesus Christ). I found His words so powerful and insightful. Reassuring. Helped me see the human and understand more about the divinity in each of us. Walked more briskly having fed on the manna that was those words from that mouth.

“Don’t put words in My mouth.” (Jesus Christ.) That changed things. Who am I to put words in His mouth? Who is anyone? What did He really say versus what somebody said He said? Are the words His words or reports of reports of allegations and hopes? “Don’t put words in My mouth.” Wow. That would be cool if we didn’t. It would be cool if we just accepted your words are your words and my words are my words. I believe in Jesus. The reports of His death have been greatly exaggerated. Putting words in His mouth is bad juju, metaphysically speaking. I like the bumper sticker “Jesus, Please protect me from Your followers.” Those aren’t His words. Those are somebody else’s. I like them though. So I will make them mine. That’s how it works. The words are always somebody else’s right up until they are ours. Our truth. Our choice. The things we believe, live, practice, and more. Words are like that.

Positivity. Just a word? Not for me. Ha! Ain’t that a hoot? “Not for me.” That ain’t positive so don’t quote me on that. Hell, don’t quote me on anything. Take what you want and just say it yourself. If you believe it. If you don’t, how can you be positive? I believe it. Absolutely, positively. I believe it. Believe in inclusion….just like Jesus did and Buddha did and Allah did and the Elders, youngers, and in between did and do. The ones I believe. Crossovers, bendovers, hot cross buns, and making bunny ears just cause it makes me think of my magical niece and she makes me think of my daughter and then my other daughter and even my son and my dad and Mom and whoever the heck else touched me. Lots of touching. Lots of loving. Lots of living. Screwing up but learning from the screaming and gnashing of teeth that is holy shit, what did I do this time?

Yep, living. The reports of my death have been……well, pretty much ignored. I can live with that though. Christ knows I have to cause…..only I know the truth. You can quote me on that….as long as you believe it.

What Would Jesus do? (Recycled)

Strong about being weak. Bold choices to stay the same. The backbone rises to defend the status quo. Pinning aches and pains to anything except the truth. The world is all around me and I learn much, hope more, and believe in responsibility. I pray and trust and do. I question.

Jesus died for who’s sins? His father’s? Our fathers’? Everyone’s fathers? What about unmarried couples before he was born? Did he die for them, too? Did he die for the gays and lesbians of Babylon, Mesopotamia, Greece, and China? Did he die for the Aztecs, Mayans, and Anasazi? Did he die for the barbarians, Mongols, Vikings, and Druids? Did he die for Joseph even though Joseph was a step-father? Did he die for his mother even though she had a child out of wedlock? What about the inn-keeper who refused him his first room? What about those that denied him, mocked him, and killed him? What about all those that came after him? What about us? Did he die for the whites even though he was likely olive skinned? Did he die for non-Jews even though he was Jewish? Did he die for women even though we are told he did not choose any for apostles? Did he die for every single living thing regardless of what they were and what they did? Did he come to save everyone before he lived, just those after he lived, or all that ever were and ever will be?

Perhaps he was the wake-up call. If so, we need a louder alarm. What changed since mankind killed him? Perhaps the sin was the price he paid to try and get our attention. Perhaps the sin of mankind was that we killed him. His followers celebrate that he came for us and died for us and shines the way to salvation for all of us. Jesus cleaned the slate for us. What have we done since? What are we doing now?

We sing praises of him. We celebrate what he is. We mark his birthday, his death, and his resurrection. We pray to him to save us. We look to him and ask ourselves how we can be like him. We ask ourselves “What would Jesus do?”

What would Jesus do? He would live his truth, be responsible for himself, and do what he could to save the world. He would not give up…despite all the evidence to the contrary. He would wait and hope…then celebrate those that get it. He would be as he was…inclusive and loving and patient and so much more. Just like his Mother. He would be at the head of the picket lines and in the darkest alleys. He would touch and heal and sleep and snore and then touch and heal some more. He would open the doors and say come on in. He would go into the desert or up on the mountain and cry and ache sometimes. He would laugh and dance and celebrate whenever he could. He would hold his brothers and sisters when they cried. He would cry in their arms when it was his turn to cry. He would own all his faults and ignore all ours. He would know his kingdom was inside of himself all along and that he would be back where he came from after he did his best here. He would ache for those that blamed him for what they did and love them all the more in their cluelessness. He would want to quit at times but then continue. He would ask himself, “Why me?”, answer himself with “because”, take a deep breath, and live a lot of Mondays. He would be lonely at times and question.

Jesus would question. That I know without question. Jesus would trust. Blindly. That I see more and more. Jesus would love. I love that. Christ knows, we need a lot of love to forgive our screw ups and make things right. What would Jesus do? He would do what is right and that’s enough.

Ostara 20

Just act. Sometimes it will seem that you do not know what to do. Many need distinctive and clear answers and directions prior to movement. Even the more faithful will have moments of indecision and doubt. That is the human condition. That is actually the moment for you to confirm your trust of self and purpose.

It is easy when resolve is high, purpose is clear, and answers are at hand. That is the time of productivity and joy. Actions fueling success and successes fueling more actions. Energy seems boundless and limitations few. Those times are to be savored and used.

Other times there will be some hesitation, even amongst the strongest. At those times, just move forward. The success may not be as dramatic but it will reassure. That extra step, sometimes into the unknown and often needing to be forced, confirms that path as well as the traveler. Others did not and will not make that extra step. They will not move in trust and faith. They will not succeed. These moments and these successes make you better. It is the walk in the rain when others do not. The extra row planted when others are at the table. The hour of progress while others sleep. Just act. Then just act again.

Ostara 19

Temptation is anything that takes you away from the higher good. Sin in acting on that temptation. It is that simple.

There have been volumes written of this but the core truth is the core truth. Anything can be a temptation. Money, flesh, material goods, friends, family, community, talent, strengths, gifts, abilities, appearance, power, love, responsibility, and more. Everything can be used to connect to higher good or divert attention from it. When you connect all you do and all you have to the higher good, you are without sin. When you succumb to temptations, you are in sin.

Money can protect and serve and be used for good or it can be amassed and used for things that divert you from your natural calling. The pleasures of the flesh can link you to spirituality and love or be based on lower needs alone. All you have and all around you can enhance your calling or keep you pleasantly distracted from it. Things and abilities that are yours for the higher good can have you think you are the ends when you are really the means.

Lead us not into temptation is the right prayer for then there is not sin.

Ostara 18

Pray often. Prayer is your time with the Higher Good. A time of communication. Pray in your own fashion and pray to your image of the Almighty. Therein lays the difficulty for many would tell you the right way to pray as well as who and what should be the target of your prayers.

There are prayer opportunities all around. Music. Dance. Meditation. Reflection. Genuflection. Physical exertion. Relaxation. Singing. Saying. Writing. Doing. Smelling. Seeing. Hearing. Even tasting. All things can be prayer and prayer can be all things. Find your way. Your words. Your time. The Who and the What is right as long as you address the higher good or the higher power. For some, it has name. Yahweh. Mother. Gaia. Zeus. God. Goddess. For some, it has shape and image. For others, it is energy and shifts realms and dimensions. Prayer to the higher good is the beginning for then the answers come and you direct with purity to purity.

If in words, know them. Not just what you are told but what you heard and processed and believed. Mimicking is not praying, it is mimicking. Rote is not right if the words are not studied and become of self.

Prayer is joy and confidence. There should be connection and, afterwards, peace. Prayer strengthens you and your bond with your Higher Power.

Ostara 17

Shifts happen in all things. Some slight and others more significant. From near and far, there are signs of the change. Some do not see them but you and others like you do. Embrace the shift for what it represents to you as well as what it represents to the long term change.

Resources gather. Choose the resources that move you forward and discard the resources that distract. Power shifts. Use the Power that moves you to your destiny and your place in the new but do not let other Power distract you from your purpose. As the shift occurs, workload increases. There are resources to handle it, in fact more than enough, although it will not seem so at times. There is to be work but there is also to be joy as well. Lose not this idea. Take time each day to labor hard for the purpose of change and the long term good but also refresh yourself with sleep, and laughter, and company, and play. Balance in all things.

Look for this in yourself as well as in those you call Kindred and those you call yours. All are necessary and all need tending. Ostara moves to the next and the next promises blossoming and bounty. Savor the significance of this moment and this cycle but see how it links to the next and the next to next after that. Good todays lead to even greater tomorrows and so forth. This is a special day. See what is before you and use it today for tomorrow is just as special.

Speechless (For my Son-In-Law, Aaron Wood--Happy Birthday)

Speechless

Happy Birthday, Aaron. This is about you. I write it to you for you. I write it from a very uncommon place. The place of Speechlessness. As you celebrate the anniversary of your birth, laugh and love in that way you do. Notice your hair choice because it is a bit different each year. Long, short, brown, blond, beard, clean-shaven, and all points in between. The diversity of your look matches the wonder of your being. Your chameleon looks stun me. It is part of what makes you the man you are.

Celebrate this birthday with the family, as I know you will. You work at home in a home that is filled with the sounds of family. One moment that is laughter and the next moment someone is in the middle of a meltdown. Somehow the laughter trumps the meltdowns and balance is restored. Sometimes the same day……other times days later. Families are like that. Maybe that is why laughter is so important in a household. It saves us in the moment and sustains us through those times when laughter feels like a distant memory. Whatever the reason, the sounds of laughter are what I hear the most in your home.

Your home is that place where my little girl loves to be now. It is house made for family. It is lived in each day and lived in fully. It is a house of children. Where children know they are safe and loved. They know the rules….and the rules begin with the Golden Rule. They know how special they are and how much their parents love them. They know the parents are there for them in the big ways and the little ways. They know unconditional love from a Mother and a Father. They know sometimes being a family means banding together because that is so needed for survival. They know things that make the world a better place and everyplace they go becomes a better place because they do. They know home.

They know you. They know your birthday is today and will make a fuss over you and then eat cake and ask for more ice cream. They appreciate you and your birthday and that you are their Daddy. They know Mommy loves Daddy and Daddy loves Mommy. They know love because they see it every day.

Even on that day when Luke arrived too early to stay and play. Maybe especially that day. That day and how you handled it and the days since are why I write this from a place of speechlessness. You did something beyond my imagination and it dwarfed everything prior and changed everyday since. Today, I wondered how to wish you a Happy Birthday and honor Luke in the celebration too. Maybe I just did. Maybe I said enough.

Happy Birthday from Pop-Pop and Luke.

We love you, Man.

Ostara 16

Control is of self but that begins all control. You decide the effect others have on you. Let them not feed on you and turn you from purpose or calm. Each with you is with you for a reason and their time with you helps them to grow and understand. That does not make them your responsibility though for each is responsible for themselves.

Your talents and gifts are many and you use them with confidence and power more each day. Take the confidence of self from that and further hone it each for your success in helping breeds the confidence to help even further. You see the changes that build and it fuels you.

Be proud of what is done and share the accolades from any deserve them. Take solace in self and base your mood on what is yours to control. It is not callous to disregard what you cannot change. It is wise. It is right.

Ostara 15

Be open to all the ways of learning. You learn in your way but there are many ways of learning. More than many suspect. Some learn by reading and others by doing. This is common. Others learn by experimentation for here is as much to learn in failures as successes. There are those that merely speak of things and that is the learning. As if digesting via discussion those concepts that neither reading nor doing could communicate. The watchers are learners as well, in their own style. They master seeing and sensing and use that information to watch even more wisely.

Every one learns. Each in their own way. This is not beyond anyone’s comprehension. There are things you are not inclined to learn for while anyone can learn anything, no one can learn everything. Learning builds community as those with common base form circles of learning. Using the input of each for the synergy of the output.

Know that many are not ready to learn. They have the ability but not the willingness. They do not accept the evidence and proof of the answers so they re-ask the question or accept falsehoods for the truth is too difficult or different. These you will not reach but it matters now. Reach those you can. Teach those you can. Use those you must. Learn each learn and guide and be for the answers are at hand and they are yours for the asking. Be open to them. In your way.

Ostara 14

Family is of the blood in the beginning and of choice as the adult replaces the child. Those of blood remain family but not as close as those we select by choice. Should those that are blood become those of choice as well, there is sweetness and love beyond explanation.

Accept choice made by others as to family for each selects based on need. Some need to nurture and others need to serve. Our energy draws those we need to us and we become their choice as they become ours. This is how family works.

Know this for many do not understand its import. Family changes. The choices may be the same but the criteria for those choices change. We evolve as do those we consider family.

This is not to say that we dismiss family. Family is family and remains family. As choice replaces blood in the selection process, blood remains family. Accepted as such. The difference is in the embrace. We accept those that are family of blood or of earlier choices. We embrace those that are of choice regardless of blood, former choice, or choice of us as we are now.

Let energy guide you at to those you choose and then let the energy guide you as to those you embrace versus merely accept.

Bananas

I just had a banana. One day past premo banana day, it was joyous. All by itself. Raw and pure. It stood alone. I felt it first because of what I did not do with it. I did not just eat while doing anything else. Did not slice in and put it in a bowl to be part of a wonderful Ice Cream Sundae. A banana split and celebrated along with the mother’s milk of Ice Cream, chocolate syrup, whipped cream, and more than one cherry on top. I let it touch me as sure as Ice Cream decadence does…all by itself.

It came from Ecuador. Wow. Way down there and now way up here. Someone picked it. He, I suspect it was a he, probably didn’t notice. It was just one piece of fruit on a stalk of many other pieces of fruit and just another stalk of many other stalks of fruit picked that day and then the next. Rushed to time everything right to go from almost ready to the store shelf somewhere far away so someone could have a banana when they wanted one. He didn’t know that someone. He didn’t know that somewhere. He didn’t notice that banana. Just another day. Just another job. Just another labor. He had to work fast. The work was now and would last but a few weeks. His son needed his example, his daughter needed shoes, and his wife was making him a dessert tonight because it was their anniversary. He was happy to have the work, the wife, the son, the daughter, and cake waiting. He didn’t notice the banana I ate this morning.

I did. It smelled just like a banana. Bananas have a great smell. A smell of tropical things. They smell like a holiday on an island somewhere. A rich aroma of magical fruits that come in bunches and really taste heavenly. Then I peeled it. Slow and easy, partner. Took off its clothes and brought it from covered to naked and ready to eat. The peel would remain and move to my very own compost pile. It would shift. Change to something else. Dirt. That would be garden dirt. That would feed a tomato that I would eat, skin and all, just a few months from now. Today it was the banana’s turn.

It felt like bananas feel when they are naked. Soft yet not. Slippery yet not. I smelled it. Really smelled it. Deep. Let the smell bring back all the memories of all the bananas ever. Safeway bananas. Bananas on the rocks of Waterfall Canyon trail. Bananas in Alaska with Jim Philip who liked old, brown, gushy bananas. Bananas shared with the kids when I was the smartest man in the world and knew everything about anything.

Then I ate it. Slowly. Each bite a kiss of something important. I was Popeye and it was spinach. My muscles felt it from fingers to toes. My energy soared. Shazam! Banana Power!

Life was appealing, joy arrived by the boatload, and all was right in every republic everywhere. I just had a banana. Well, maybe it was more than a banana. Much more. Now I can share it with you. Just had to really feel it and understand it first.

Enjoy your breakfast. Enjoy every single thing you do today. Life is full of bananas.

Ostara 13

Reevaluate home. Home is vital yet has been lost over the eons. Home is comfort and ease as well as connection and belonging. As travels and mobility escalated, home was muddled. Mobility can limit roots and travel tests connection. That has been the case but can, even must, be changed.

Home is where your energy should soar. The place where you are most comfortable being. Energy is the key. Those you invite in should be of energy that helps your home and feeds the synergy there. Tools give home long legs and know there are those in the home that are not the physical. More energy than flesh and they will remain that way. This is the Power of the now and the Power of the old that was lost.

Once we ventured forth on energy and felt and loved and linked. Then flesh moved forth more and energy was used less. The circle moves back now and more have sources of energy to travel to places their eyes will never see. This is how home is now and that must not be underestimated.

Home is yours to define and claim. Home is community and this yours to define and claim as well. Master the energy all have as well as the energy few but those like you have. Home is special for it is the place that completes you. The place that calls to you when you are anywhere other than home. Home is yours for the asking, the taking, and the making.

Ostara 12

Be open to things that would have seemed beyond imagination. You already have embraced much that re-shaped beliefs force fed you in youth. Handed to you via rote. Enforced to you by many, some of which practiced not what they preached. You retained much of it as yours but experienced generated questions. Questions unanswered that nagged at the beliefs and tore through the facades. New realms open now. Things beyond just take my word for it religions. Sacred things. Things unseen but not unfelt. Those things are here and have been here all along. Those things are here now and you will not only touch them but you will touch them, keep them, use them, and, more importantly, share them. The flesh is fleeting but what makes you what you are is not fleeting. It is eternal and connected to what was as well as what will be. It is linked to other places not of this world and not of this time. It is unlimited in beauty and power.

You sense it and have more recently than ever before. Move to it and those that sense it with you. Some can see hints of it as those hints are physical. They are special people and should be held in high regard. Some sense it as if by intuition or hunch but with confidence and belief. Once validated, they should be used as guides and teachers. You have gifts of your own. Tap into them for others need what you bring just as you need what they bring. Be open. It will require change but that change merely rights your path and completes you.

Ostara 11

The change you see in others and feel in yourself is more than mere change. It is metamorphosis. Change in constant. Metamorphosis is rare. Think of the caterpillar for that is the equal of this transformation. To be what it was and then enter the cocoon of change is a major step. Inside, all will be changed. All will be modified. So much so that when the caterpillar emerges, it is no longer caterpillar. It is not even seen as caterpillar. All see the Butterfly.

Eyes watch the butterfly’s path and see beauty and glory and joy. They do not see the caterpillar. Even those that look for the caterpillar have to know where to look. The Majesty of the new creature dwarfs it. Even when those who wish to see the caterpillar look beyond the flight and to the base of the wings, they see a shape akin to what was but even more at the core has changed. It is there but not there as it modified to support what it is now. This is what it was destined to be.

The wiser enjoy the caterpillar for its form and function but wait for it to be butterfly. They savor all of the new being. The metamorphosis is not easy. If it was easy, more creatures in nature would make such changes. It is rare. It is wonderful. It is like you. Special in all ways.

Word Guitar

I reached for a guitar and wrote a poem. The canvas cried for its cover and my pen told how it hungered and what it wished to be. My flats are sharp and my sharps just don’t cut it. My words sing though. Sing right from me into you and name your tune. My art crosses my own darkness, lights out, and finds friends I may never get to meet. “Me, too” people. They see themselves in me and don’t have to set eyes on me. Here I am. Lettering in life. Lettering life. Letters, notes, books in various stages of birth, rants, raves, waves, wakes, and shimmy-shimmy-coco-pop.

Don’t believe me? Try and deny that I moved your thoughts. Hum along with me. I am in your crook and nanny as sure as a crooked nanny, Ed Burns, Annette, and let’s be frank…..you like it.

Someone else can teach the world to sing. I write. You read. That’s enough for me.

Strumming and drumming…..I just keep ‘em coming. It rocks me. Its how I roll. It’s the music in my soul. It makes me whole. Holy, Holy, Holy. Once more. From the top. Maybe the bottom. La-La-La-Land of a thousand ways to say something. Anything. As long as it matters. As long as I am matter. As long as I have the energy. Even longer. Longer than forever is a long, long time….except when forever is yesterday and tomorrow is now and that might be sooner than we think.

At no time did my fingers leave my hand. Stuck my finger in the dyke and all hell broke loose. Hell hath no fury like a woe, man. Woe. Woe sucks. Let’s sing the blues and paint the town read.

Ostara 10

See the path ahead. Pause and look at it as it beckons. Know that ahead is your destiny and your joy. Feel the inner resolve and the many changes that brought you to and prepared you for this moment. Breathe deep and feel the air of kindred fill your lungs and fuel your strength.

Then breathe even deeper and turn to look back at your own past. See it all. Good and bad. You carry much of it with you and it is time to leave it behind. See all the events but for the first time see them not as good or bad. There is good and bad in all and they should not be categorized as just good or just bad.

The things you thought were good were many. Love. Friendship. Connection to pets. The joys of moments of laughter. Even material goods made you feel happy. All good things. But bad as well as good loves moved onto to other plains without you. Friendships soured or faded. Pets that are not at this time for you. Laughter that came and went. Material goods that rusted and broke. Bad that they did. Good while it lasted.

The things you thought were bad were many as well. Abuses. Lies. Inconsiderate acts. Pain and illness. Helplessness as time ravaged loved ones and weaknesses crushed potential. Losses. All seemingly bad things. Yet good as well as abuses toughen awareness and resolve. Inconsiderate acts moved you to others versus the ones you thought important at the time. Pain and illness dissolved and made each moment sweeter when gone. Ravages fueled conquests over self and weakness. Loses spurred actions of change and resulted in higher levels of happiness.

All things meant to be so you are the one that stands here now and reviews them. See them not as good nor bad. See what was and is no more. Accept it. Dismiss the judgment of it and smile that it all was and is now all part of who you are. Turn back to the path that you now journey and step forward with resolve. You are ready.

Hiding

What did I hide from and where did I hide? Felt the many in hiding this day and the many hiding places. Hiding in plain site, behind locked doors, in gated communities, in gangs, behind judgments, from judgments, in righteousness, and under banners of hate. Felt the hiding. Hiding from so many things that they are alone. Alone and unable to hide from the very thing they really hide from…themselves.

Wherever we go, there we are. We are right there. No matter how high we crank up the music and false laughter. We hide deep in the bottle and at the other end of the plunger…..and are right there when we come back from those hiding places of delusion. We close the curtains and end up closer to whatever we conceal. We sleep perchance to dream but what comes in those dreams of truth must give up pause. We wake tired and head for the first hiding place we can find.

We hide behind the dedication of long hours and overtime pay. We hide in the dark of the movies and the light comedy of prime time. We hide from union, communion, and reunion. We hide behind pseudonyms, acronyms, homilies, similes, metaphors, and platitudes. We hide from others because we don’t know where we are. We hide from others because we are not sure who we are. We hide from others for causes blamed on others and celebrate when we find others in the same hiding place. We hide so well we forget we are hiding. We begin to think we can find ourselves in hiding.

We hide because we can’t handle the truth. We choose not to handle our truth. We hide the truth, then hide from the truth, then hide from that hiding place and hope the hiding places have things to keep us busy cause we just need to keep busy. We climb the walls rather then look in our own eyes. We work like the devil rather than look at our souls. We hid in therapy and recovery.

Hiding comes in many forms. Truth comes in one. Hi, I am Gil, and I quit hiding from myself.

Hope you like what you see. It’s all I got. Its enough for me and it’s getting a bit better everyday. Alle-Alle-In-Free.

Ostara 9

People notice the change in you. Some ask of it. Others just watch. They sense it is something very significant but ponder rather than query. Some think it seasonal. Others credit a change in diet or a new health regiment. Still others think it medication or libation. Still they watch and wonder.

It is as it should be. Those around you everyday will see it first. Then others, from long ago and far away, will be placed so they can see it too. Many will merely watch or comment but not probe. Not even to skim or dance around it. They are not wise enough. They are not prepared. They are not made to ask the question for they are not ready.

Those that ask, are ready. They deserve to know. They are with you for the very reason you suspect as soon as they ask. They are one of you. Share freely with them and watch the spark of change within them.

For some, it will be a flashpoint and the change will be at the speaking. For others, it will be an ember and they will go forth and ponder. It will simmer and flame forth later.

Savor this for you have been a long time getting to know self. Let it shine through simply by being you. When with those of old, wear not the mask of what you were then. It is not you any longer and it will not work. Just be. It is enough. Your light will be a beacon as sure as the houses on the sea. Your balance will shift the attention of seekers to you. You live what you are and they will come to live what they are meant to be.

Everyday brings more of them. From near and from far. You need only be you for that is what all waited for. Even you.

Prayer Lines

Wired barbs and telegraphed punchlines zing shot at easy pray and loose Canons.

Top Ten Wisdoms wasted on the clueless as they list and pass wind.

Holier than Thou shall not pass go, please pay before you exit.

Begat Hepcats cause pro-life hates other choices and gay old timers.

Joey Bishop, Father Time, Sister Christian, Mother Mary pray for me.

All the Kings men nailed all the King’s horses for thy kingdom come.

Alle-alle-in-freedom really is nothing left to loser’s never win.

Dance ballerina till the cows come home to roost or not to roost.

That is the question of the days of whine and rose from the dead.

Pop goes your weasel and peek a boo-boo until its all better.

Party down by the riverside on the banks are doing fine.

Saving coupons because green stamps come postage due.

Full speed ahead in foreclosed rainy day galoshes.

Riptides for those middle class puddle jumpers.

Sinking feelings about options and futures and bonds.

Shorter tempers, longer lines, whose turn is it anyway?

Lock the gate, change the password, check the shopping list.

Fill the car, scratch my back, let’s go see a show.

Where’s the Captain and Crusader Rabbit? Romper stomper now!

Holy Shit. Forgive us, father. Whatever art your name.

Pebbles and Pinecones

(From a year ago.....maybe it was two......somethings just work whenever)

My granddaughter is amazing inefficient. I invited the two-year-old over to help me in the yard. Time to pick up pinecones and pull some weeds and be together. We started off with her doing pinecones and me pulling weeds. That worked for a bit. Then she wanted to sing about the pinecones so we made up “The Pine Cone Song”.

Pinecone.

Pinecone.

Pine. Pine. Cone.

Then she wanted some fruit snacks so went inside. She came back a while later and decided to help again but the worm got in the way. We stopped to see the worm and found other worms. She likes worms. We played with and watched the worms for a while. She wanted more fruit snacks so the worms were left alone and I kept picking up pinecones, singing “The Pinecone Song” as I did. She returned and decided she was cold so she took off her jacket. That one slowed me down for a moment so I sat with her while she counted to twenty and did her ABCs. She went inside for a drink and waved at me through the windows while I picked up more pinecones. When she came back, she said she was done working. She decided it was time to play in the pebbles so I played in the pebbles. Then it was time to let her hear the pebbles so we walked the pebbled path and listened to them sing their crunchy song. We marched and talked to the pebbles while they talked to us.

“Pebbles. Pebbles. Pebbles, pebbles, pebbles.” A new tune, different than the pinecone song. This was a marching tune. Of course, while marching and swinging our arms like the Royal Guards. That worked for a while and then she decided we needed to take a walk around the block so off we went. She pointed to the flowers and how they matched her purple shirt. We walked a bit more and I pointed to some flowers and said how pretty they were. She corrected me. “Those not flowers. Those dandelions.”

Now she is playing a video game, quite put off that we do not have Nintendo. The yard did get picked up. So did I. My granddaughter is amazing inefficient. I can learn a lot from her.