Dark (Recycled)

Sitting in sadness. On the edge of polluted waters of the dirtied soul. The banks of your own personal River Styx. Decay in the air. Sludge stagnates the pristine. Dust where there used to be air. Tears without reason ooze like pus. Things are dead here. Unburied corpses thought forgotten invade with pungent rot.

All this. Just on the other side of the sunflower laden hill. Mere steps from the tire swing on the sweet tree of life.

There is time to play and time for damage control. Toxic waste waits for the gravedigger’s return. Grab your pail and shovel, child. Your back yard needs tending.

Beltane 15

Spirituality is an accelerator. Tap into it and the answers flow as sure as water to the sea. Help is all around you. You are not, never have been, nor never will be alone. The multitudes wait to comfort and help. From one man in the rice paddy to thousands overhead, all are there and you are they and they are you. Fear not the questions many dread to even ask. The answer of what is after this is a great answer and having the answer makes us stronger. You have answers at hand and avoid questions since it will not only mean answers but also change and work.

There is much in the form of escape. Pleasant sojourns of nothingness. Fluff. Idleness. Words that do not enlighten but entertain. Images that amuse but do not challenge. There is need for that and that like it for it can mean rest and respite. Use them as such. Not as anything else.

Review your time and your day. Just as you review the time and day of the beast. The beast looks at the plowed land and path accomplished and smiles when permitted rest. That same contentment should be the contentment of all for you achieve and rest in the Collective.

Much has happened and much more will. Ask and it shall be answered. Seek and you shall find. Abundance is here and bursting. Use it to be what you were destined to be. This is your time.

What Would Jesus do? (Recycled)

Strong about being weak. Bold choices to stay the same. The backbone rises to defend the status quo. Pinning aches and pains to anything except the truth. The world is all around me and I learn much, hope more, and believe in responsibility. I pray and trust and do. I question.

Jesus died for who’s sins? His father’s? Our fathers’? Everyone’s fathers? What about unmarried couples before he was born? Did he die for them, too? Did he die for the gays and lesbians of Babylon, Mesopotamia, Greece, and China? Did he die for the Aztecs, Mayans, and Anasazi? Did he die for the barbarians, Mongols, Vikings, and Druids? Did he die for Joseph even though Joseph was a step-father? Did he die for his mother even though she had a child out of wedlock? What about the inn-keeper who refused him his first room? What about those that denied him, mocked him, and killed him? What about all those that came after him? What about us? Did he die for the whites even though he was likely olive skinned? Did he die for non-Jews even though he was Jewish? Did he die for women even though we are told he did not choose any for apostles? Did he die for every single living thing regardless of what they were and what they did? Did he come to save everyone before he lived, just those after he lived, or all that ever were and ever will be?

Perhaps he was the wake-up call. If so, we need a louder alarm. What changed since mankind killed him? Perhaps the sin was the price he paid to try and get our attention. Perhaps the sin of mankind was that we killed him. His followers celebrate that he came for us and died for us and shines the way to salvation for all of us. Jesus cleaned the slate for us. What have we done since? What are we doing now?

We sing praises of him. We celebrate what he is. We mark his birthday, his death, and his resurrection. We pray to him to save us. We look to him and ask ourselves how we can be like him. We ask ourselves “What would Jesus do?”

What would Jesus do? He would live his truth, be responsible for himself, and do what he could to save the world. He would not give up…despite all the evidence to the contrary. He would wait and hope…then celebrate those that get it. He would be as he was…inclusive and loving and patient and so much more. Just like his Mother. He would be at the head of the picket lines and in the darkest alleys. He would touch and heal and sleep and snore and then touch and heal some more. He would open the doors and say come on in. He would go into the desert or up on the mountain and cry and ache sometimes. He would laugh and dance and celebrate whenever he could. He would hold his brothers and sisters when they cried. He would cry in their arms when it was his turn to cry. He would own all his faults and ignore all ours. He would know his kingdom was inside of himself all along and that he would be back where he came from after he did his best here. He would ache for those that blamed him for what they did and love them all the more in their cluelessness. He would want to quit at times but then continue. He would ask himself, “Why me?”, answer himself with “because”, take a deep breath, and live a lot of Mondays. He would be lonely at times and question.

Jesus would question. That I know without question. Jesus would trust. Blindly. That I see more and more. Jesus would love. I love that. Christ knows, we need a lot of love to forgive our screw ups and make things right. What would Jesus do? He would do what is right and that’s enough.

Beltane 11

Some times will test your mettle but stay true to self during the trials. The truth is not in what is said but what is done. Words will fly forth that question and sully but let those words not heat emotions that would pollute the actions.

In times of easy change and happiness, it is easy to be sharing and caring and to give love and laughter. The true joy is sharing and caring and giving love and laughter when things are tough and there is darkness in others.

The saying of turning the other cheek is true. There is strength in turning back from the smack with a smile to the smacker.

Beltane 10

There are many longing for connection. Without it, they are lonely and sad. Life for them is a series of motions with little purpose. They look everywhere for that linkage. Traditional religion offers some comfort but leaves them with more questions than answers. They read of inner peace and self-improvement and keep parts of all read but find only partial answers there. Friendships are palatable but not truly intimate. They escape temporarily in travel and adventure but return to longing when the diversion ends. They throw themselves into work and causes with passion but lack the passion they need.

These are Your Kindred---Those longing to belong and be accepted as of the Feminine and of the Source. Those feeling what was but is not and not knowing if it will be again. That is what you offer just by being you when they find you. You are hope. More come to you. Once hope feeds them, they will share it with others.

Be yourself. See those that hint at questions and free them to ask. That will be enough.

Beltane 9

It is alright to be happy. In fact, it is right to be happy. Laughter and mirth lighten the load. Use it to fuel yourself to better handle the temporary setbacks and sadness.

Laugh and love and live. Although others may wallow in the very sadness of sadness, offer some solace and support but join not their misery. Misery is all too often self -imposed and healing cannot be handed, it must be grabbed. Sickness and weakness grows when company joins.

Laugh deep and well and often for there is magic in it. There is health and happiness in the very act. Laughter is of the spirit and the body knows it each time. It is medicine, magic, and music all in one. It is in you all. Let it out.

Beltane 8

Muscles of all kinds are lost when not used. Begin to use them after a long dormancy and there is pain and even resistance to use. As if the very movement that was intended is no longer possible. As if the muscle did not just stop being used but disappeared forever.

Begin the use slowly. Re-introduce the use to even the slightest of movement. Celebrate often as use becomes more routine. Once the basic motion is back though, flex and flex often. The muscle is back in place and must be pushed to mass and power. Let it see that dormancy is gone and power is back.

This will not be easy at the outset for it is easier just to let the dormancy remain. Inertia is like that. So long rested, the dust of time buries not just the motion but the form and function of what was and what should be. The hardest part will be returning to any motion. Once in motion, the rest is just not to lose the motion and the power in it.

Beltane 7

Those with you are with you wherever you are. Feel that within. Feel the connection as well as the energy and you will know who is true to you and whom you are true to in turn or just because. Their image is photographed to your heart and soul. Their sound sings sweetly even when they are silent. Their taste feeds the memory and fuels the hunger of reunion.

Feel who is not just with you but also in you. Feel the connection that transcends time as well as space. Then foster it even more when together in this realm for that it carries to all realms.

Hunger

I didn’t ask for this intensity.

I begged for it.

To feel this deeply is insane.

To feel anything less is yesterday.

I don’t hide my emotions.

I eat them for breakfast and shit them for lunch.

What’s for dinner?

Life is an acquired taste.

I’m hungry.

Beltane 5

Run not from the evil nor surrender to it. It is there and cannot be denied. Hiding from it does not eliminate it but fuels it. If it is there, be amidst it and remain true to self and purpose. There is the true strength. Enemies on the other side of the mountain are still enemies….even if we ignore them, they are there.

When in the evil, look to what makes you, you. Then be there as you are and let your energy shine through. Evil attracts the weak and the weak will see the good energy and some may sense the hope therein. It is a mission of sorting.

Your truth to self is shield as well as sword. In places you would rather not be it the true test of self. In comfort, there is not challenge. In refuge, there is not resolve. To be in the very valley of not belonging and be pure empowers. It sweetens the times of comfort and the places of refuge.

Venture forth. If not, the borders shrink. Be a pilgrim and a traveler if that is your place. Comfort the pilgrims and the travelers if you are with them but not of them. All serve a purpose.

Beltane 4

The honeycomb forms. A beehive of linkage that will have energy pulse like the sun. You find not just one when you find one. You find three and six and even more. Just as you have been linked to others, those you meet will be linked to even others. Those that find balance also find each other now.

The cause is pure and good. Nurturing. Earthly as well as Spiritual. This realm as well as others. Discard those that found action on hate and vengeance. Karma is always karma. There will be some false starts and links that are not right but that is part of the growth. These diversions will slow but not stop the kindred.

Be open to all approaches. There are many paths. Some base it on old. Some base on it alternatives. Some base it on gender. Parts of all have their place. Embrace and learn from each, keeping the good and discarding that which does not work for you. The commonality links the community. The differences make it family.

Empire of Dirt

I felt the earth move the other day. Actually, no. There was an earthquake in Utah the other day and everything in my home was devastated. Actually, no. Yet I walked through my house and felt those truths. Imagined the shaking and quaking. Saw the stuff in a pile of rubble. Was sad for a few moments. Only a few though. Was sad. Cause I like my stuff.

My Elvis stuff. Books. Pictures. Records. Trinkets and mementos. Gifts over the years. People know I love Elvis. His music comforts me. There is something about him that gets me at my core. He is as much as part of my life today as he was when I first heard him on “50,000,000 Elvis Fans Can’t Be Wrong”. Sure I was just a kid when my parents gave me that first record player and that album along with Elvis’ Christmas Album. (Still have both of those records….part of my stuff.) Yes, initially I liked Elvis because of my hero worship for my big brother. Same reason I liked the Yankees and joined the Air Force. Yes, it is true my Masters and Doctoral work was on topics related to the King of Rock N Roll. Along the way, Elvis became mine and Elvis stuff makes me feel good.

Other stuff too. Life stuff. Furniture. Pictures. Dishes. A clock that was my Father’s for twenty five years of blue collar hell. Hats. A lamp like the one from “A Christmas Story”. Yankee stuff. A monkey like the one that I had back before my first Elvis album. DVDs. CDs. Records. Vinyl ones and a stereo system with a turntable and everything. An autographed picture of Beaver. Another one of Roy Rogers. Even one of Vanna White cause I shot craps with her….twice. She is nice. Clothes. Lots of clothes. Not the Air Force Uniform. That was buried on another guy for another reason. Suits though. From another lifetime and occasional times now. Shoes. One pair just slightly younger than that first Elvis album that still fit. Was married in those. Kinda like Beatle boots. More books. Televisions. All those wires and boxes and remotes so that I can watch stuff new and old and all points in between should I wish, when I wish, and all that stuff. Pots and pans and dishes. My favorite room in the whole world. Not the one with the pots and pans and stuff. Another room. Called a porch, kinda like a sun room, but more heaven on earth for me. That room and its table where I have coffee and the chair so good for naps and the windows that are like Wendy’s windows and are the best thing about the house and the house was cool even before that room and those windows brought a piece of outside inside. Even outside stuff. The Sanctuary and garden and shed with all those smells of garages and sheds.

I walked though and pictured it all gone. Rubble because of the earthquake. I was sad. For a few moments. Then life cheered me up. My own. That is the one I know best everyday. Other lives too. Family. Of course. Friends. Strangers. Animals. Trees. Life. The stuff was rubble. Pangs came. Went too. Life matters. Stuff doesn’t. Didn’t think about insurance. Thought about less. Felt the power of that one line from the one song written by one guy and sang by lots of others but sang best by Johnny Cash if you ask me. “You can have it all…..my Empire of dirt.” I like my stuff. Bottom line though…..it is an Empire of dirt. Not too big as empires go. Bigger than some, smaller than others. Valued by me……lots. Lots less lately. I like stuff. Just understand more and more that it doesn’t matter. Could be gone in a second, will be gone in a second even if it outlasts me since I will be gone in a second before it, after it, with it, or without it. So I like it. Enjoy it. Just don’t need it and will get a lot less of it as time goes on. Life is good. Life matters. Life is the true value of what we have right now and what matters. Life.

Didn’t really have an earthquake but sure was “All Shook Up”. I have life all around me. My stuff is cool stuff. I can just feel and see beyond it….way beyond it…..a bit more everyday. You can have it all……my Empire of dirt. Will sell some of it since the IRS wants a bunch more cash than I have and plan to get. They are the Kings of the Hill when it comes to Empires of dirt. Me? I will listen to the King of Rock N Roll, piss on the Kings of the Hill, be the King of my own world, and have tons more cause I care about stuff tons less.

Beltane 3

Trust is essential. In self and in those around you. When you trust your own path, you are in tune with the energy of that path. That frees you to see. To see others of your path and similar paths. Others that may well sense you even before you sense them. You need not look. When you are opened to it, it will be provided.

Gauge. Evaluate. Act. When your path is true, the instinct about others sings with accuracy. That is true for the good and the bad. Delay not the movement from the drainers. Delay not the movement to the kindred.

There is Synergy in this. Each movement that is correct and true to course fosters more confidence. This confidence begets even more and the accuracy of your instinct skyrockets.

It is before you now to test and prove. It has been. It will be more and more. Look within to confirm that conviction of your path. Heal thyself if need be. Once known of self to be true, move. In trust. Watch the Synergy accelerate the change and savor the success.

Exercising My Option

(An older piece......truth still)

There used to be many options. Based on all the advice, there still is. Inside the box are many. Go back to work and pay for using my existing resources to honor obligations. Be taxed on that as I do. Declare bankruptcy. Say it is impossible to pay for what I did and let others inherit the burden. Borrow more money and slide deeper into debt. That is insanity and I am outside that insanity and in recovery now. Beg. Pride kept me from that street corner for a while and responsibility keeps me from it now. Barely. Suicide. As my daughter advised, that is a permanent solution to a temporary problem. Inside the very system I lived as the American Dream, those options and a few lesser ones are still on the table.

Outside the box, there are even more options. Leave the country. The damage already spread globally spreads even faster now so I burnt that bridge already. Armed rebellion. That feels dark and risks destroying that light left inside what this country was and can be. Declare myself victim and hero and wail to the world. That would be the ultimate misuse of my gifts. Indentured servitude---sell my services strictly to pay taxes. Feeding a system where debt increases a million dollars a second and we owe over $80,000 per worker is irresponsible. Blame. Looked in the mirror and pushed through that denial. Went to those options and more as the situation slid further and further into impossibility.

The further I step outside the insanity, the clearer things become. I shall exercise the one option that sustains my beliefs and values. Trust. Trust that freedom begins with me. Trust that I can do the right things by honoring my obligations while living within existing resources. I shall state the facts, live by example, and be even more in the process.

There is much more I can do to increase my self-reliance, understand the impact of my everyday choices, contribute to global survival, and live in joy. So I shall give and give some more and then see how to give even more. It is my choice to be thankful for what is and share to balance the world beginning in my own back yard. I owe it to those that taught me by example, to those that come after me, and to myself.

Beltane 2

Reaching out to that you see as well as those you feel will comfort and empower. A sense of purpose is wonderful. A sense of belief is even better. Belief that it can be done. Belief that you are not alone. Belief that the task and the work can and will be completed.

Be bold about yourself to yourself and others will see. When you sense those that sense you, pulse and trust your reaction to the returned pulse. If it is true, the pace will amaze you as well as them.

Believe it or not

The world just beyond your touch. Things seen without sight and tasted in the soul. Some must feel to know. So know to feel. Beyond our senses is a level of belief. A place where fiction meets fact and dances a tune the piper plays from inside the instrument as the instrument. Worlds are there. People created from inside other people’s reality that spark a new reality and beget realities beyond those realities. Introduced to us in books, mirrors, movies, mediations, contemplations, and salutations.

I knew a man once that chose not to suspend his belief. He wondered how anyone could care about all those people in all those books that are figments of someone else’s imagination. He was concrete and all those existences were abstract. Unreal. Beyond his senses. He was a successful man, Sincere in his beliefs. A being of integrity. His integrity. His reality. His sense and senses and census. He knew the world and worldly ways and moves sincerely on his path. Years ago, he shared his truth about fiction. Today, I felt that from a place beyond his reality and my own realities. The words of yesteryear digested today and revealed more truths in the remnants.

Ah, all those lovely people out there in the dark. I know them. I feel them. I am them. Those that came before are with me. Those that shall follow will feel me. I am a Being of truth. My truth was here before I arrived. I learn more of it each day. My truth shall be absorbed and become part of the whole when I move to fiction, fragment, filament, and dust. The particles shall muddy someone’s windows, broaden some horizon, and build mountains that brush the sea with shadows.

I am the hero in the Comic Books, saved by the bell, and ringing in the new year. Peace be with you, all we are saying is give peace a chance, and chances are my composure sorta slipped. Laying a finger aside of my nose, time to pick myself up, dust myself off, dance, sing a tune, play a flute…do anything I try. The truth shall set you free. Fact? Fiction? Don’t attempt to adjust the dial. I am 99 and 99/100s percent pure. Pure what? Float like a butterfly and sting like a bee. Honey, a strange thing happened at the office today. There was a guy there that….. Hard to believe, ain’t it?

Beltane 1

Fire purges and warms as Ostara eases to memory this cycle and Beltane begins. Time to sow. The celebration of Ostara was preparation for the sowing. Look around and smile how winter’s sleep is ended and the stretch awake complete. Move to motion as the old is purged in fire and the new is planted for the harvest to come.

Ostara was wonderful and will be again for the year is a cycle as it has been. A cycle of the cycle for the Circle. You have found your linkage and it time to move with those and plant. It is much more than seeds. It is plans. It is organization. It is allocation. It is place and purpose for each and every.

Beltane is as you are. It is of purpose. Ostara was the awakening of that purpose. It is time to realize the sleep of self has passed. It is time you saw yourself anew. Beltane is now and you are ready. Work hard in Beltane but work together. Others woke just as you did. Beltane is of motion. Of purpose. Of community and of kindred. Enjoy.