Imbolc 18

The full moon illuminates your dreamscapes clearly for the veils are thinnest then since the dimensions are bridged and merged at those fine moments. The beings of light feed images to the dreamscape that are messages for your path and journey. See not what is there but what each means.

See the Hospital but know the place of healing for answers are there. Hear the cheers of the throng at the spectator sport that distracts them while you journey forth in trust. Realize that solutions do come from teams of old in ways that are uncommon but much needed. Feel your own tears and the tears of the one who held you there and know that both outpourings are needed to merge to clean the air. Accept the longer hair as the symbol of time to grow for the wearer. Notice the privacy failures and know it is not about privacy but communication. Help the woman in heels off the mountainous and challenging path while noticing how her footwear and preparation were so ill suited for the arduous journey. Make note of the amok and anger things that had you move hither and yon versus straight ahead. Explore why basic functions were exposed there and the process and way of cleaning were so different and seemingly ineffective. Accept the twists, turns, delays, confusions, frustrations, and distractions there in that dreamscape of connection are far more than symbolic for the journey underway and the days ahead.

All this and more are there for you are to look forth to the beings of light more and more. The dreamscape is not somewhere else. It is part of what is next shown to you in ways you can process and handle now. Move to the beings of light there and those here as well and journey forth for Ostara comes soon.

Imbolc 17

The tide of change swells even more as resources and shifts flood Tribe and herd. Ride the waves together and use all the gifts of the Source that are and always have been yours. The enormity of the changes confuse when the changes are far off but the clarity comes quickly for the size is epic and the movement just seems slow. Look closely as you move forward to process what comes. It is as beautiful and impressive as it is big.

Imbolc 16

Trust is the key to the answer. All answers. Trust pierces the questions so that acceptance tempers impatience. Trust provides lift above the fray of manipulation and frustration. Trust comforts even as specifics remain shielded. As shifts and change move to ever present, overwhelming at times, Trust soothes so that labors are pure and rewards follow.

Temptation will call loudly in these times but Trust muffles the sirens. Dash not on the jagged rocks of resentment and loneliness. Trust in Source as well as Tribe and herd. The journey will be safe even in the roughest of seas.

Imbolc 15

Invest fully and feel the rewards many-fold. What is withheld does not protect but limits. Hear the advice and ask for input but the choice of investment must be just that…….choice. Yours. To give totally, there must be a belief deeper than many are willing to face.

Face the toughest questions inside. Know as much about Self by understanding what is denied. Only by facing these demons, many of which are well disguised, can the truth of belief be clarified and purpose be clearer.

As the calendar of the moon shifts, look at the answers therein. Embrace inside and then open to embrace in the taking and the giving. Being about self is not selfish. It is essential to be as meant to be in Tribe and herd.

Had Enough?

Had enough tragedy? I have. More than enough. Here are some facts, boys and girls. If that had been a solar array rather than a nuclear plant, it would have been inconvenient. If those were windmills, the recovery would be way cleaner. WAY CLEANER. We are about to out-trump nature again in dealing out catastrophe. We are about to make bad worse…….again. Yet…..how long will we care about what people are living with as a consequence? How many have to die this time to have us say no to nuclear and oil with all its tentacles and mean it? How long will we care? Will we actually do anything to change? Will this be the enough is enough one?

Remember the Gulf of Texaco? Ohhhhhh, the tragedy. Ohhhhhhh, the greed. Ohhhhhhhh, the voices of righteous indignation as warnings were suppressed by the bottom line. Oh, look. Charlie Sheen is having a meltdown. Have you seen the new IPad? We are mastered by a slight of hand that distracts from reality right until reality crashes through the haze and reminds us the world is in danger. I am embarrassed at how much we say and how little we actually do. That is how little we do that actually matters. Chernobyl. Three Mile Island. Exxon Valdez. BP. The hits just keep on coming. War for Oil? Mining disasters? Backing despots to keep the oil flowing? Sure……good for the economy though…..lots of jobs and money to spend. Gotta make it to work. Right?

We need changes. Now. Changes that will transform our man-made tragedies into inconveniences rather than repetitions of helplessness and greed. Solar and Wind energy solutions. Public transportation over private consumption. Local markets rather than mass distribution centers. Saving versus borrowing. Repairing rather than replacing.

We, the People of the Planet, must lead. In example of how we treat ourselves and our neighbors. In example of how we live and honor all life. In example of how we fit into the ecosystem. We are the answer and must be the example. Now.

We need natural energy sources more and less energy consumption by each of us to balance supply and demand. We need more transportation that brings us together in the act of travel and less transportation that separates us from our neighbors, neighborhood, and world. We must experience life in our homes and share it with the world. We must live locally and feel globally.

The changes must touch all aspects of life. Each purchase, each meal, each outing, each celebration, each choice. Schools. Parks. All aspects of Community. A Global Citizenship linked across the planet. Everyday.

Tsunamis, earthquakes, volcanoes, hurricanes, tornados are forces of nature. Energy choices that put people at risk are within our control. We can change them now. Right now. Even while the scope of what happens in Japan is revealed. We owe them that. We owe their children and our children that. We owe seven generations from seven generations from now that. We must change. We must learn. We must act.

Addictions

Everyone’s addicted to something. The ones in the programs have it easier. They’ve named their demon. Hope they got it right. Did the gamblers in that anon bet on the right addiction? Did the Alcoholics really cork their demon in the bottle they left on the bar? Did the crack heads crack the right code? Did they pick the right “…I am a” fill in the blank? I’m cheering for them. Go, team, go! Rah, Rah, and shish ka bob. They’re heroes. Every one of them that stepped up the mirror and said I got issues and I can’t fix them by myself. Heroes. All of them. I hope they got it right, get right, and stay right.

The ones in the programs are working on getting better. Quite frankly, that is enough. Working on getting better means not getting any worse and sometimes that’s a damn victory. The twelve steps are fucking mountains. Each one of them. I speak from experience. It’s a long climb up from the highs. You gotta know how low you really are just to get started. Mountains. Twelve of them, each an Everest without any rest. This shit ain’t for the faint of heart. It keeps you outta trouble though. When you are busy climbing mountains and facing demons, there ain’t a hell of a lot of time left to screw up other people’s stuff. The folks in the programs are fixing what they broke and doing the best they can. One day at a time.

Then there are the addicts that know they addicts but are too busy being addicts to do any healing. You know them. Various degrees of denial, stupidity, arrogance, and whatever the hell else you call bad choices about shit that will kill ya if you don’t quit. These are the boozers, shooters, and tweakers. So far gone they think they are going make it somehow when their world shrinks to nothing but moments between highs. They limbo in their own hell finding out new ways to answer the question how low can you go. Those folks are not in denial. They’re in fucking pain. They’re in the trap and they are pretty much useless to themselves and harmless to the rest of us. Sure, they lie, cheat, and steal to feed their habit. That’s life with you’re in that death trap. I’m cheering for them though. Hoping they wake up before the big dirt nap closes the lid on their pain. If not, they are pretty much screwed just like the folks that don’t even accept they are addicts.

That’s everybody else. The folks in the programs know and do. The addicts in the addictions know and do, too. They just know it’s wrong and they do it anyway. Everybody else doesn’t even know they are addicts. I hope they wake up before we all end up in their nightmare. The boozers, shooters, and tweakers are nothing compared to what the other folks can do. The ones that don’t even know they are addicted. Most of them have approved addictions. Addictions that are encouraged and advertised and rewarded. Those fuckers could kill us all.

Drunk with power. High on having stuff. All dockered up and beeming around suburbia like their shit doesn’t stink. They can afford it. Sometimes they can but they have good credit. Need it now. Gotta be better than the Jones and the Jonesing. My title is bigger that your title and my windows have a better view than yours. I am not sure what makes me happy but I am better than you and that’s makes me happy. Kinda. See you at the mall.

Step on up. Use your brother’s back if needed. He should have moved faster. Speed kills. Kills the slow fuckers that can’t keep up. It’s the latest. It’s the greatest. That is sooooo yesterday. Get with it. Gotta have it. Gonna have it. Haven’t been there. Let’s go there. Everyone is. Shit. How’d we miss that boat? Cruising along with the latest line and the coolest gadget. Don’t act surprised. I think they saw me in that. Need something new. Something subtle that gets their attention. What will they say? Hope it is good. Who cares what they say? They don’t know anyway. Only they matter. Not them. Can’t we move closer? Why not? You can figure it out. Everyone has two mortgages, four cars, and credit cards to the max. It’s life. Let’s live it up!

They make the tough choices. Tough in how much harder it gets to fool themselves as they go along. They begin to wonder. They go inside and ask the hard questions. The ones they ask at night under the moon. The ones the addicts asked in the bottle or when riding the rush. They ask themselves because the family will not know. The church will not know. No body will fucking know. They ask through tears, in fears, and without cheer.

Did I run away from the right things? Did I choose the right things? Did I really need all this stuff? Did it really make me happy or did it just help me pretend I was not sad? Did I really get answers or did I merely stop asking questions? Did I? Did I? What did I did?

Then they face the two words they hate. The two words they planned around, avoided, denied, and just hoped would go away. What if?

What if? Sometimes it begins sooner but too often it begins later. Later than they wished, sooner than they wanted. It begins when their kids have kids and they are just like they was when they had kids and their parents had that look on their face. The look of “you don’t have any idea of what to do so do what you are told.” Then there are the losers. The ones that made the other choices. The wrong choices. The ones that did what they hell they wanted. The examples of what not to be become the Sears Wish Book of would if I coulds.

Would if I could but there are the kids now. Would if I could but the company really needs me. Would if I could but no one in the family would understand. Would if I could but my church says that is wrong. Would if I could but I can’t. Wish I could. I just can’t. I just can’t. Really. I just can’t.

Say it a lot. I just can’t. Say until you believe it. I just can’t. Say it and maybe it will be true. I just can’t. Should not even be thinking about it. I just can’t. Doesn’t feel right to like it. I just can’t. Please help me forget how much it excites me. I just can’t. Binge. I just can’t. Purge. I just can’t. Deny. I just can’t. Bless me, father, for I have sinned. I just can’t. Dammit. Why can’t I? I just can’t.

The sigh is the sign. The sign of surrender. The sigh of giving up. The sigh of accepting that what you really want to do is wrong. The sigh of just giving up. It feels good. The family will be better off. The church will be better off. It means more time for the job and that means more money and that means more stuff and that means more fun and that means more vacation time and that means I am happy. So sigh a little. Close the lids choices and fucking die. Get it over with.

Choice

It’s your choice. It always has been. Hide where you are told to hide. Be what you are told to be. It is your choice. Good boy. Sundays here. Take this train. Read this paper. Vote this way. Good people don’t do that. Good people don’t have those. Good people don’t and don’t and don’t until they don’t even know they 're don’ting. Choose. Be good like you have been told. Be good for you? Your own version of good? Your own version of joy? That is selfish. You are better than that. You are good. Wake up. The alarm went off and you slept through it. The world is on fire. Let’s buy a new couch. How about a big screen TV? There is a sale. We can figure out how to pay for it later. We have to buy it now. Think about the savings. Re-decorate. Re-finance. Re-energize. We can’t afford not to save this much money! The Want Ads are full of ways to pay. I will move from the bad news to the sales news to the death news and be there before I finish this cup of coffee. Can read the rest on the train. The train is good. Lots of the same folks every day. Every day folks. I am one of them. I am somebody on that train. I am the guy that finishes the paper while he drinks his coffee and looks all serious and stuff. Plus, I wear a hat. I pull it down over my eyes a bit and enjoy my coffee. The girl at the coffee thing at the station knows just how I like it. I usually get a cup before I take the train. I make a point of it. She knows how I like my coffee. She has nice tits and a pretty smile. She likes me. So I tip her. The more she likes me, the more I tip her. She likes me a little more each day. She even flirts with me. One time, there was only her and me. It was like a date. Sweet. Arousing. Sinful. I wanted to miss the train and take her to a hotel and be with her and love her and fuck her and hold her and cry and be somewhere with someone that just wanted to be with me and nowhere else in the world. I think she wanted it too. Wished she had asked me. Then the train came and I had to get to work. Had to go to that meeting and do that important briefing. I am somebody there, too. Just a different somebody. Not the somebody who loves the gal at the coffee wagon. Somebody else. Somebody that does not do those kinda things. Somebody good. She is not there in the evenings. She gets off at 11, picks her kid from school, and then heads home. She lives on the other side of town. Rents a place but keeps it nice. The coffee place closes after lunch or something. How would I know? It just ain’t open late. Not much demand for coffee by the time I get back to the empty station, get into the empty car in the almost empty parking lot, and take the pretty much empty back roads home. Sometimes I have to stop at the store. Don’t like that but I do it. Sometimes I have to put out the garbage cans. Don’t like that but I do it. Sometimes I get home and have to go back out to some dinner or Church thing or family thing or some fucking other thing. Don’t like that but I do it. I am somebody good. Gotta do what a guy’s gotta do. Sometimes I have to stay in town and work late. More than sometimes but not as much as I do. Sometimes the office is empty and but not as empty as that train station, that car, the parking lot, or those roads. Sometimes I get the stuff done I stayed to do. Sometimes I do other things. Read things. Go on the computer and look at things. Think about stuff. Lots of stuff. Sometimes it is good to be alone. Sometimes it is sad to be alone. I don’t care. Sad alone is easier that sad with company. Sad alone is quiet. Sad with company is noisy. I like quiet. Sometimes. Lives of quiet desperation? Fuck quiet. There are millions of me’s out there. Millions doing the right things and saying the right things and pleasing everyone and everything while we die each damn day, inch by inch and second by second. I shall not go quietly into that not so good night. I wanna live! Let’s put on some shoulder pads and fight over a damn pigskin. That will help. Keep your goddamn penalties, put them in a box, and slap shoot them into your mother-in-law’s face. Let’s get some really, really big guns and blow the living shit outta something. I got bills to pay and somebody has to pay like I pay cause I pay big. The bigger the bomb, the better. We need really, really big bombs. We must help those that suffer and crush those that make them suffer. We must police the world. Let’s jam the American dream right down their throats. Ready or not, here we fucking come! Ack-ack. Attack. Tora fucking Tora. Alle-alle-in-free. You’re it. You’re in my fucking way. You’re different. You’re doing shit I wish I could do and I can’t do it so you can’t do it either. Fuck you. I hate you. Tell me more about yourself, please. Don’t let anyone know I asked. Just between you and me. I need to know. Make it quick, please. I have a train to catch. I was supposed to be home a long time ago. Can we talk tomorrow, please? I will have to work late so we can talk for hours. Maybe we can meet for coffee? I like coffee. I’ll pay.