Simple Fi

(Another peice from "Report From the Frontal Lobe"....being edited to life as you read.)

I started a club a while ago. You can be in it if you want. Anyone can. That’s just the way I do things. Inclusive. A nice word. Inclusive. If I eliminated people from my club…well, that would be bad and short sighted and just the opposite of what is right. People do belong. We are all in the same club. The “I have been born, I am going die, and I doing my best in between to make sense of what the heck I am doing here” club.

The ain’t the name of my club. If that was the name of my club, t-shirts would be out of the question. My club is “Simple Fi”

Kinda sounds like one of those things some people do at colleges and such. For some, those kinda clubs were the best part of their college experience. For me, those things were not any part of my college experience. Just because my college experience was a tad bit different that most.

I took classes at twenty-seven different colleges/universities, graduated from four, and, until a road trip a year ago when I went out of my way to drive onto the campus of University of Nebraska at Omaha, never stepped foot on the four I graduated from. It’s the facts, Jack. I was a migrant worker (twenty-eight years in the US Military) and took classes wherever I could and whenever I could. Even took some night classes at an All Girls Catholic College in Nashua New Hampshire. Turned out it was the very first time they opened their night classes to co-ed…myself and one other guy were the only two males that attended that first quarter. Just me and him and all women. Dang the luck! Had a nun, a room full of women, and a demanding class. Still shows up in my dreams. Only on good nights though. Learning can be such a dream come true.

Along the way, I amassed a few degrees. BA. MBA. PhD. That impresses some folks. Letters after a name are very important to some. I was one of those for quite a while. Maybe the letters after my name should have been BOZO (In training). Well, I achieved the highest level of learning there. I am Bozo Emeritus. Screw that shit. Take the letters after my name, stamp them, and send them to the dead letter office. If you need letters after my name to care about what I say, you most likely would not believe what I say anyway.

With the slightly different path my college education took, the opportunity of Sororities and Fraternities just did not surface. Just as well really. The only time I attended anything close to a full time college experience was just recently when attending Utah College of Massage Therapy. The Principle called me to her office one day, and it had been over forty years since I was called to the Principle’s office, said a student had filed a complaint against me, and kicked me out. Just like that. No questions. No explanations. Fifty-six years old and I was kicked out of college. Wow.

What the heck would have happened if I had attended college back in the 70s? Holy Moly…..I can only imagine. Timothy Leary…eat you heart out. It is easy to be radical when in your 20s. Bring radical when you are 56 is…..well, radical. Helps me understand why I am not a joiner. Like Groucho said, “I refuse to belong to any club that would have me for a member.” Until today, that is. I like being in Simple Fi.

Simple Fi is different than Fraternities and Sororities. Although my path did not include time in clubs with Greek Letters for names, hazing ceremonies, and the opportunity to be three sheets to the wind while wrapped in a sheet, I understood the basic math. Fraternities + Sororities = Paternity.

My club is an Eternity Club. Your eternity is welcomed. My eternity is welcome. Here an eternity. There an eternity. Everywhere an eternity. Maybe that could be our theme song. Sung to the tune of Old MacDonald had a Farm of course. Our mascot could be a Ewe. My you. Your you. Everywhere a you-you. Not a yo-yo. If you are a yo-yo, you are still welcome but you are probably busy amassing letters after your name.

In Simple Fi, you play. Everyone plays. Unless, of course, if someone is sad. Then we all cheer them up and then we all play. Kinda hard to play when someone else can’t. So we play. Alone. Together. Whatever works.

Today I played on the ice. Wasn’t much ice today. Spring is the air. Still there was some ice. For me, the best kind. The ice over puddles. I love cracking it and seeing the water kiss the open air. Maybe it is the open air that kisses the water. Whatever. A kiss is a still a kiss. Sometimes the air kisses the water, sometime the water kisses the air. You put the lime in the coconut, You drink them both up. I don’t play that game. Playing on the ice is enough for me. Life on the rocks is, well, life on the rocks. I let air kiss water and watcr kiss air and the Doctor can heal someone else’s belly ache. My belly is fine and full and not even hung over my belt.

So I walked. One foot on the street. One foot cracking the ice. Foot. Crack. Foot. Crack. Foot. Crack. Did it safely too. Foot. Crack. Never fell on my butt crack. Not today at least. Today I played. Today I started a club. Simple Fi.

Simple Fi. I think I will. I am a simple kinda guy. Don’t let the letters after my name fool you. I am smarter than they might make you think. Simple Fi. Lessons in life trump college every time. The colleges you attended, didn’t attend, wanted to attend, and even got kicked out of….lessons in life trump them all. I got a lot to learn.

Join the club. You already paid your dues. You were born. Now you can Simple Fi for life.